I'm

Angry all the time.

I hate being touched, being looked at, being spoken to in any way that isn't a joke.

It scares me. When people touch me I'm burning, scorched by the thought of human contact directed at me, the outcast. Spoken to, I Love You, burns, my cheeks are red.

What do you do when the person in your life right now, you're confused between hate and love. You look back and say "that guy is a real douche," because everything he feels and says and thinks is against everything you believe in and love and it hurts when that bond of unspoken similarity is broken between you, but when you look into those eyes, those pools of hot and cold passion, emotion, you think only of lust and love.

I get angry too much. Everything now, makes me hot with rage, makes me want to lash out and hurt someone close to me. But that would make me look silly.

This is irrelevant.

I just need to rant a little bit about my life.

Right now these things are stopping that smile reaching my face;

-My mother; "get a job," "I'm not giving you anything until you get a job," "revise more, you're failing everything."

-The fact that I am indeed, failing everything. Nothing's working at school- my teachers are on my case, I need to do more work that I don't understand and can't do.

-My boyfriend.. I don't know. I fail at relationships, I don't know how to handle myself. I want to scream at myself for being such a fat bitch and can't understand why anyone would ever have sex with me.

-Something tiny happens and I feel the need to scream, cry and throw things. Tiny things, like nail varnish going wrong.. it makes me want to smash the bottle beneath my feet and cry.

-I officially want to hurt someone all the time.

-I feel like I'm going insane.. I can't remember anything.. someone will tell me something and I won't be able to remember the conversation 3 minutes later.

Am I going crazy? Is it stress? What can I do to stop it?

sigh; ciao.