the natural form

is the most beautiful thing. In its' fatness, thinness, toned muscular to weak bones, from tanned, olive skin to pale, fragile, soft skin. From long, elegant legs to short, tubby torsos, we love bodies. Alive, beautiful, thriving, and willing, hopeful, to witness another human form in it's natural beauty. We live to touch, stroke, grab, smell, kiss, gourge ourselves in and on another human being, and why? Is is simply our natural habit to need to engage in intimate human contact? or do we have a deeper meaning with our sexual needs? do our strange yet thrilling fetishes and curiosity really strike us as unnatural? or do we need to just let go and admit that the human body has a strange need to explore another in ways that we have titled, 'weird'. Why does our stereotypical view of beauty change with age and history? Fat, thin, tanned, pale, we group together to form this idea of beauty, natural or manmade, so we can conform to our own unnatural moral laws that we have created for ourselves, yet loathe. Why do we feel the need to act 'normally' when it comes to sex? why have we graded porn as disgusting and unnecessary? In the ancient times of greece and rome the body was seen as a temple, sex was a necessay thing that humans could not, and would not, live without. The body was a gift from the gods, one not to be wasted, and the naked form, the natural, beautiful form, was natural to be seen in it's purest form carved into walls, performing sex acts with eachother, exploring new ways of pleasuring eachother. So why has this changed from being a beautiful, amazing thing, to being dirty, unnatural, and hated? We are now pressured not to have sex because it is dangerous, or risky, or potentially fatal. We have created this whole idea about sex being disgusting, at least until you are at a certain age, then the generation below you think you are dirty. This is an idea created in the last few years, as before this our people thought fat people were sexy, sex was crazy and improper yet fascinating and thrilling, and now we feel that the less meat you have on your bones, the more attractive you are. The less emotions you feel, the cooler you are, and the less people you have sex with, the better person you are.
I say have sex with who you want, enjoy the natural form of somebody else, because that is the only, or most thrilling thing you will experience in life, so make the most of it.

By the way, Merry Christmas <3

Persil

yeah this post has nothing to do with Persil (': it was just on an advert. I'm in a good mood today, though i'm knackered from 10 hours of art. ouch :)

ahhha i love 'Don't tell....i think he likes you' .. 'ew.'
I'm loving everything today. I'm loving my friends, memories, I'm even loving boys.
Okay that's a lie.
This time last year everything fucked up at christmas was a pile of shit. But this year things will be different. They will. I love how that person is still there to help me and be nice to me, no matter what I've done, or said, or how I've felt.
Btw, this will be a short post. I'm bloody knackered and Magic FM is making me tired. My sister is sleeping in my room tonight. Fun times of her poking me all night and pissing me off ¬_¬

anyway
I love you all, you know who you are.
P.s crushhh




CIAO.

emotions

I've been through them all these past two weeks.
Anger: the feeling when you hate everyone, everything, and everything has to go away or you'll never be happy
Frustration: when you feel like you've failed everything, you wish you could go back in time and change yourself
Love: when you feel like you're going to explode with emotions for someone
Sadness: when you know you'll never get that person and you're stupid for trying
Lonliness: when you need that person beside you to kiss you when you're sad, hug you when you're lonley, hold your hand when you're scared, and tell you I Love You every day that they do.

All these emotions are now inside me, as I've been through them all these past couple of weeks. How do i get rid of them? who knows. I've got to try and work my way through each of them and work out how to change them.
Anger: start to see the other side of the story, talk about my emotions a little more, even if it hurts someone. Because I get hurt but I can't tell them how much of a bitch they are.
Frustration: Tell myself that i tried my best and I can't change that now.
Love: Fall in love with someone who actually wants you, emily.
Lonliness: Find someone to love.

okay, end of blog.
x

Rant.

So this is just going to be one of those long rants about things in my life that you don't really care about.

boys- oh man. don't me started. there are a lot of people in my mind at the moment, and tbh all of them are (N). I don't know what to do, I keep getting myself in these messes and i can't get myself out. I'm in a mess at the moment emotionally, cause there's this guy.
okay?
there's this guy. who i like, and only recently started liking. But there's all this worry about age and timing and work and school and parents and everything. ouch.
Plus they're kinda going away for two weeks so it's obvious they won't like me when they get back, lol.
one night stands. why do guys obsess over this? why? no girl wants to have sex with you one time then never talk to you again, cause when a girl has sex, science has proven that the girl instantly finds feeling for this boy.
So yeah. I've got myself into this predicament where i don't know where I stand between relationship and one night stand, because he 'likes' me.

school- i'm so fucked at school. I've already got a C in both my maths mocks, and i doubt i'm doing any better in any of my other subjects, fml. My teachers are beginning to do that irritating i'm-so-dissapointed-in-you-you-coulda-done-so-much-better look, and it kinda makes you wanna cry. Every day i feel like i'm letting my family, teachers, friends, and the rest of my life down when i stand, tuck my chair in and leave that main hall. And do you know what? I don't see how people say 'i dont care about my exams; they're just mocks'
Exams are like hell for me.

there's not a lot else to say really, people. well, person reading this.
And i know what's coming;
whore, slag, slut,

you know the drill.

x

saturday night

and of course, i'm at home.
i've watched bad telly all day, and i've been to Bromley for a few hours.
That's actually all i've done all day.

exasexamsexams
good lord.

I have nothing else to say really. My love life is non-existent, an i wish it wasn't. Haha, i hate how desperate girls get when they want a boyfriend, and the guys they go for (N). It's like the longer you go without a boy, the uglier they get.
mm.

x

classical music.

is the best music in the world. it makes me think.
let's think tonight. I'm gona bore you all and make a list of my problems! hurrah.
boys: okay. don't even get me started. in the past week or so i've been pissed about so much by boys, and so i've decided to give up on my potentials because if you look back to my last blog, there's really no point
school: oh golly. friends are all over the place, exams have just started and my brain cells have packd up and gone away for the next two weeks leaving my body stranded to scribble it's usual nonsense onto exams papers then kill itself with worry for the next year.
home: ah so much pressure to do well in school, get a good boyfriend and have the perfect friends. little do they know that my friends and i get pissed all the time and my mother will never approve of any of my boyfriends.

This, my friends, is why we have classical music. it drowns out all of this crap and lets me think for a little while about nothing much really, about myself for a while, my needs, and how i will acheive them. How im feeling etc. It's my way of saying 'hi self, haven't spoken in a while. how's it hanging?' and i can have a lovely little conversation for a while.

I think there's only one person who actually understands me, and i didn't even mean for them to.
That's how you know you have a real friend.

Tonight i feel sentimental and deep and stuff, but i don't really know what i'm talking about. i'm just listening to soft sounds and wondering about life and what will come of me in the future. will i ever get the grades i want and do an amazing job? will i ever get married? will i fall in love? will i have children? will i travel the world? who knows. only time will tell, and as we know, time changes for no one, so i guess i'll only know when i'm older. It's scary to think about being older really. I dont want to imagine being 20 or 30 or maybe even 50. that's how old mums are supposed to be, not me.

okay, getting a bit too phsycological and i'm gonna start ranting about nothing if i carry on.

oh yeah and ive been asked, check out deans dnb. it's pretty immense, www.youtube.com/DeanCMusic


ciao, ti amo :)

all that glitters

Everything on the tv today is about relationships. they tell us theyre amazing, if you look good someone loves you. i know this is bullshit.
Relationships break you, they destroy you inside and when you finnally find one that goes right, it's fragile and there's a constant worry about what will go wrong in the future.
so why do we bother?
we bother because when someone loves you it means the world to you, your whole universe explodes into tiny fragments of your concience, and when you love someone everything you do ou do it for them, everything you say you're saying it to them, everything you hear you're hearing it from them, and it's wonderful.
i'v ebeen in relationships, plenty. I've had boyfriends and flings and one-nighters and everything under the sun. Have i found what i wanted? Of course not. Only on the television do we see the perfect looking man lifting the chisled chin of a beautiful woman and kissing her gently then whispering 'i love you' into her ear. Only on the television is there love-making, or true romance, or that perfect man.
I honestly wish I had someone to stand on my little tippy toes and kiss on the cheek, or someone i could wrap my arms around and kiss in the rain. All we get nowa days is meaningless bedroom talk and unreturned phonecalls.

so tell me, what is love? this pointless, hurtful bedroom talk and lonely walks home after while you think of them, unknown to us while they're with their girlfriend? or is it loving so much you could marry them the first time you look at them and needing them so much you could burst, and actually having that feeling returned?

is love when the feeling is mutual? or can you love without being loved?

x

okay so

i've had no inspiration for blogs this weekend. and i apologize for that. I've been getting ready for what should have been like an amazing night which turned out good... or so i thought.
But let's not go into that right now, yeah?
I have exams soon. i really hate exams.

this is all i can think of to talk about right now, so don't screw me out over it.
I'm in a bad mod today


ciaooo x

dedicted to..

Dean. i've been told to write one about him :) so here goes.
just for yoou.
Dean's an amazing friend, and i've known him since he was a little emo kid in year 7 :) awww.
Plus he's always there for me, and he's just amazing. i'm also really jelous of his art, cause he's amazing at it and he can do it so easily. tbh most of my artwork is his idea, or he's helped me in some way, so really it's all his. His music is good too, and i like to think i've contributed when he says
'emily, give me inspiration.'
and i say
'urmm idk, think about something you like?'
but yeah. there's a lot to say about this boy, and i could include a cute little photo of him in year 8 :) everyone say awwww!
haha :) this is just a funny blog because i'm sitting in my bed talking to dean, and agfter my last mention of him (brief, mind) he felt the need for much more mention.
So this is what i think of him in a brief way.
'brief'
I love how he's always there to talk to me, and even though i hardly ever reply cause i never know what to say, he's always talking to me and knows when i'm upset, and how to cheer me up. He also has this really scary telepathic shit going on at the moment, where he knows what song is in my head and will sing it. it's scary. or he'll turn to me and say something that i'm feeling or thinking and it's spot on. creepy shit man.

But basically to finish this off before i sound like a stalker, thank you for being my friend dean ^^
and if you get a girlfriend and ditch me for her
i'll slaughter you like the pig in LOTF.

oh yeah btw. BAM; DRAW FULLA KOOLAID.

start over?

hey so i decided, i've been taking this way too seriously. so let's start over, yeah? Hi, i'm emily. I like taking the more causual road down life cause tbh, it's easier than trying to please everyone. I can be very loud, or some people would say, but i'm no where near as loud as some of my friends, lol. I have load of friends, so don't ever try and say that i'm your best friend, unless i say it first, because i hate putting different friends first, cause then you're labelled 'best friends' forever. there's no escape. That then leads to people you've never spoken to coming up to you and saying 'oh no, you've had an argument with your best friend!' and i'm like.. 'well i don't know you.. don't tell me what to do?' If you get to know me i'm loud and obscene and i complain a lot about girls, because as we all know, they are the most bitchy, harsh, cruel gender. Most of my friends are boys because i find i get on with them better, i'm not a slag. I'm fifteen, that wonderful age where everything sucks and you get slandered if you sleep with a boy, don't sleep with a boy, get good grades, get bad grades. Basically, don't do anything and you can't go wrong.

Yes, my blogs will be mostly about personal things, rather than art or literature or poetry, which are my main passions. Because i don't need to tell you all that stuff until you're my friend, okay? But don't worry, i'm not a bitch. I just don't like spilling my guts to people just yet. I just enjoy ranting, and i'm sure some, if not most, of you will understand what i'm rambling on about when i talk about hormones, boys, girls, friends, parents, school, all that sorta thing.

So yeah, get to know me! i'm nice, i swear. if i'm not it's because i'm in a bad mood about something petty. My friends are amazing, by the way, and i'd never ditch them for anyone. I have main friends who hate eachother, and through the past year i've never hated either side because i'm not that mean. I love people such as:
Charlotte: she's pretty cool, and knows me inside and out. (lol, not in a dirty way.) She knows me so well if i pull a face she can tell what's happened to me throughout the day without me saying a word. She likes getting drunk with me where we tell our life stories and make things even worse for ourselves. it's pretty immense.
Cat: well she's my sister. i love her. she's immense tbh. We share so many giggles and private jokes i start to scare myself. her blog is www.ch4nn.blogspot.com <--- follow her! she's amazing at writing blogs and an inspiration.
james/dom: these two are the funniest guys i know, and they cheer me up immensley when i'm sad. i love them to pieces : )
dean: this is an odd mention, but i love this guy. I've known him for 3/4 years and we've never had an argument. this guy means a lot to me cause he always listens and helps me no matter what. He's an amazing artist and D'n'B artist, like amazing.

wow. this is a pretty long blog. But i hope it's changed your opinion of me and shown i'm not a massive emo who writes about her deepest thoughts, and maybe change your opinion of not following me... to following me.

So yeah.. enjoy my blogs and come chat! i love new friends :)
x

do you remember when

you were little and everything was just safe, everything was made fun and the only thing that hurt was when you scraped your knee. When you weren't put down for have a comfort teddy or blanket or for sucking your thumb. that was normal stuff. When if you had an ugly face, people were still your friend because you gave them your last cookie or hugged them when they were sad.
i miss those times. when your parents were these inspirational, admired protectors who you loved, and when boys were those strange creatures who never wanted to hang out with you because you were a girl? or when you first starte primary school and you felt so grown up because you knew you two times table and could spell?
now it's all changed and we're thrown into this world full of exams, boyfriends, sex, teachers, angry parents and bitchy friends. now we're told if we can't do fractional equations we'll fail our exams, if we can't write 5 pages of an essay in one hour, we'll never get a job.
suddenly it's all too real and you grow up too fast, from being a little girl to a woman in a matter of a year. How scary's that? you're being told that your body will change, and when it does it hurts and feels funny and you don't know how to deal with yourself, let alone everyone around you. But still we have to make everyone happy while inside our bodys a whirlwind of hormones, and we get slandered if we express the emotions those hormones make us feel. We then hate the way these hormones make us look, from small breasts to a larger stomache or a wonky nose. We all try and improve these features and deform ourselves for the possibility of sex. Wow.
I wish i was still little, so i didn't have to wear make-up and spend months trying to attract boys who end up hurting you anyway? you know, the ones who promise you the world then you find out that means walking in on them shagging some other chick while you're in the bathroom? If that's the world i might as well kill myself now, lol. then being told 'that's life' just is the icing on the cake, isn't it? cause that just tells me that that's all i've got to look forward to. No marriage, no happiness, no love. How is that a world i want to grow up in?
I'll finish on saying that, throughout all of this awkward hate-filled stage in our lives, this is meant to be the best time of our lives.
who decided that?

so ermmm

wasguanin?
life's well boringg
i wanna drift away, with you, to another place. far away.

why

Isn't anyone online?
I don't find it funny. I'm annoyed. I'm really annoyed 'cause
Girls always have to steal your ideas. I mean come on. You say one thing and they go 'oh i'm doing that' ...
Fuck off.
: that was my idea.
boysboysboys
You have to love them. him. you. :)
I'm watching live at the apollo.
But girls. Girlsgirlsgirls.
Why are we all such bitches?
answer me.

first

alrighty. first blog. I'll probably end up ranting about boys and stuff, cause that's what i do. Paha, i've never used this before, so forgive me if i totally mess this shit up :)